This is so NOT #Cloud. Why Amazon Still Wins.

I have a VMware appliance I want to test in the cloud. So I've looked at several providers. Turns out so far I'm having no luck. 

I want to share one experience that I had today, but it's representative of the other experiences today.  These all companies that claim to have a cloud offer, so off I go to their websites to sign up and get going. 

No one has self-service ready to go.  No one has a catalog that I can just see service descriptions, SLA's and pricing.  NO ONE!!! 

I find nothing.  So I click on the chat.. This is a transcript of a very nice conversation.

Hello. Your Sales Professional is Salesperson
Welcome to [REDACTED] Salesperson will be right with you.
Salesperson
Welcome to [REDACTED}, how can I help you and what would you like to accomplish today?

Me
Use cloud hosting. I have a VM appliance I'd like to use

Salesperson
Are you a current customer?

Me   
no

Salesperson
Alright, you are looking to run a VM app in our Cloud environment?

Me
yes. I have VMDK / OVF file i want to upload and run

Salesperson
Great! Could i have a cloud specialist contact you to go over our offerings?

Me
yes.

Me
now?

Salesperson
It will be soon, within the hour if that is OK?

Me
ok

Salesperson
May I receive your contact info, i.e., full name, company name, phone, email?

Me
Rodrigo Flores, newscale, etc, etc

Salesperson
Thanks Rodrigo, do you know how many VM's this is going to be running across or is it just one VM?

Me
1 to test. more later if it works

Salesperson
Sure, do you know RAM and Storage you are looking for?
Me
2 G RAM, 5 G storage

Salesperson
Great, I will have a specialist contact you ASAP Rodrigo.

Salesperson
Is there anything else i should know?

Me
no. thanks

Salesperson

Great, we will be in contact shortly and thanks for chatting in. Have a nice day!!!

A while later I do get a call. We have a conversation about memory, disk, what I'm trying to do, etc, etc.  I want to upload a VMDK.  So that requires another internal discussion and I'll get a call later.

I use EC2 for a whole bunch of servers; unfortunately, I need to test this very specific configuration so it has to be VMware hosting. 

I'll report on what I find. 

Update: One called me back and told me their cloud package starts at $2000+ a month. Still don't know what I get for that or if I can use my appliance. FAIL!